InstaVixen #1: "Life's a Grave, Dig It" (f word heavy!)


Last week, was a very, very good week for me. The kind of excellent week I haven't had for quite a while. My week included a flying trip to Manchester to have drinks with a group of wonderful people. I finally found a beer I actually loved and I really enjoyed myself that night. I had some wonderful lazy days away from this blog and spent a bit of time with my stepmum and youngest siblings. The highlight though, was seeing Wednesday 13 on Friday night. Although I have seen Wednesday 13 numerous times now, in fact, I believe Friday could have been time number THIRTEEN, there was something just that little bit more special about Friday night. I woke up on Friday morning feeling so excited. It was an incredible feeling. I used to feel like this frequently and it saddens me I don't anymore but it makes it just that much more special now when I really am truly excited about something. I had my breakfast and spent a good few hours getting ready. I had so much fun applying huge amounts of black eyeliner and my new purple lipstick. Then I ran out of the door and hopped, skipped and jumped to the train station. In Manchester, I had a little time to kill, so sat in Starbucks with a Hazelnut Latte and some shortbread before I tried to remember how to walk to the Academy.

The first thing that made it special was my lovely little indulgence of buying meet and greet tickets. I was exceedingly paranoid about being late and I am obsessed with being early anyway, so I arrived in Manchester a lot earlier than I needed to. I also overestimated how lost I would get so arrived at the Academy an hour and a half before us meet and greet ticket holders were allowed inside. It was so cold. By the time the meet and greet started, I was just so damn happy to be inside in the warmth. The meet and greet itself was absolutely hilarious. With it being the third time I'd met Wednesday (the first time, I'd talked myself backstage, the second was a meet and greet) you'd think I'd have been ok meeting him this time. I really wasn't. The band came on stage for the soundcheck and I grinned at Roman because we had a bit of...urghh..HATE THIS WORD, but I can't think of a better one: banter the first time we'd met. Troy, Jack and Jason I'd never met or seen play before so it was nice to get a good first look at them. Then Wednesday came on stage at last. I was still shivering from being outside but when he walked out my knees almost gave way completely and I turned to the girl I'd met in the queue and said I was going to die. That is how I felt. They played a few songs from the new album and then they came to "meet and greet us". Roman came up to me first and gave me a hug, while the other guys said hi and I managed to squeak a "hi" back. Literally squeak. Wednesday of course was mobbed, and I stayed in a corner staring at him wishing I wasn't so embarrassing. Eventually, I managed to sidle up to him and he finished talking to some other girls and he turned to me and said "So, you're being shy, huh?" while giving me a hug, I laughed and said "Yes, I'm so sorry!" and he said "Oh it's fine, I'm really shy too, that's why I've got sunglasses on." I retorted: "You CAN'T be shy, you get up on stage every night!" but he continued to assure me he was. We had our photo taken together and then his manager whisked him off to talk to press. The whole thing was so awkward but I'm unbelievably glad that everything that happened, did happen, so I could be there and experience that.

As I said on Twitter though, the gig itself was a religious experience. Traditionally, I hate support acts at Wednesday 13. Even the ones that are actually good, I get annoyed at, because I'm usually just like "I WANT FUCKING WEDNESDAY AND I WANT HIM FUCKING NOW". However, this time it was a band called Sister and I was seriously, seriously impressed. In fact, I'm listening to them on Spotify right now. Their performance was energetic and the music was what I've been needing to hear for a long time. I wasn't ever bored and I was happy to move to the music rather than standing there with my grumpy "is it time for Wednesday yet?" face on. Despite this though, Wednesday was of course the highlight of the night. In all honesty, I wasn't keen on the new album to begin with, but now I've heard some songs live, I appreciate it a whole lot more and even have a new favourite. Get Your Grave on has been in my head since Friday, I can't stop singing it and listen to it frequently. The set list was actually amazing, while I feel he left certain essential songs out that I love hearing live, that meant there was room for other songs that I adore that I haven't heard live before. The Ghost of Vincent Price being the main one!

I did have doubts about writing this post. I'm more than aware that most of my audience won't even know who Wednesday is, nevermind care about him enough to read a whole blog post about how much I love him. Yet this week, and on Friday night in those three hours I was dancing and jumping and sweating along with great live music, I've had a bit of an epiphany, and it's that that I really want to share with you all today.

Without going into detail, I've been a very unhappy girl for a very long time, but I am finally starting to feel like myself again now and that sad little girl I've been for a while is disappearing and I'm so fucking glad to see her go. On Friday night, I remembered I am perfectly capable of being attracted to other people. Family read this blog so I won't go into detail about some of the stuff going on inside of my head, but oh my god. Every single band member was a very, very good sight for my eyes, we will put it that way. Not to mention, since I've been listening to Wednesday 13 again, and now Sister, my mood has improved drastically anyway.  People might think that listening to songs about murder and zombies and death would leave me feeling pretty depressed, but in actual fact it has had the opposite effect. I'm old enough and clever enough now to see how much of an act bands like Wednesday 13 are, their lyrics are so tongue in cheek and all the makeup and stage clothes are just for show. It's essentially a whole lot of fun. Don't get me wrong, Garbage and Hole are my two favourite bands and always, always, always will be, but I can't deny that their songs are big misery fests for me. It's comic relief to hear lyrics like "I love blood and guts and all that violent stuff, I like guns, knives and taking peoples lives" in comparison to lyrics written by Shirley or Courtney that hit home in a painful way. Not to mention, getting all dressed up in my tiny tight black lace dress with Doc Martens, a big baggy hoodie and wonderfully gothic makeup to finish it off with was seriously good fun as well.

On Friday night, I let go and I was Emily again. Emily who loves to go to gigs and make a mess of herself while having a good good good time. Emily who really doesn't care about people staring at her on the street. I was Emily by herself. I wasn't Emily one half of a pair, I wasn't Emily the broken hearted. I was just Emily. I know people think I should have grown out of this by now, but I'm fucking glad I haven't. Hell, I'm going to be going to see Wednesday 13 as long as he's still touring. Reliving one of the best parts of my teenage years has finally brought me back down to earth again.

My advice to you then, so that this post isn't entirely about me. If you want to do something, do it. Don't worry about what anyone else is saying, go on your own if you have to, blow your savings, do something fun, something that is just for you. It's the best high in life. BE COMPLETELY, AND UTTERLY, UNASHAMEDLY, YOU.