The Vixen Thinks: Girls Hate Girls


The Vixen Thinks is an almost weekly feature on this blog. Posts vary in topic, I'll talk about anything I have an opinion on! From blogging to relationships and anything beyond. If there's anything you'd like me to write about, feel free to get in touch: theglittervixen(at)gmail(dot)com! Thank you!

Before I launch into today's post I just want to say that this is something I wrote absolutely ages ago and it actually appeared on my old blog. However, I've had requests to see it again and I decided I would just repost it on here. While this subject isn't something I feel as strongly about anymore as I  was reading this today, I realised how important it is. I've not been my best self recently in regards to my attitudes towards other people and reposting this is going to give me a push back in the right direction!

This is a topic I've written about before, and it's something I'll no doubt write about again, because no matter how many times I say it, no matter how many times the intelligent, inspirational women I look up to say it, it really doesn't seem to be an issue that is going to change any time soon, as saddening as this fact is. Before I begin what is probably going to be a rant, I'd just like to state that yes, I'm aware that gender isn't a binary thing, there's much more to it than just a female/male divide but honestly, this would complicate this post even further if I took all this into account. For the purposes of this post only, when I refer to male or female, I am going to do so in a very cisgender way, and the post is going to be very heteronormative too. I apologise for this, I really do, but I'm just speaking out from my point of view, which happens to be that of a privileged white cisgender female. If anyone wants to give any other insights into this from another point of view, feel free to do so in the comments section! (edit: you can tell I still had Tumblr when I wrote this...)

So, how many times have you heard a girl say something along the lines of 'Oh I hate other girls, they're so bitchy! I like my guy friends much better, so much less drama.' Yeah, I know, you've heard that before and you've heard it more than once. More than likely, you've said it yourself. I personally have said I dislike girls. In fact, I've probably said it recently in a fit of fury where I haven't really thought about the implications of what I'm saying. The thing is, this is an absolutely ridiculous statement. There are plenty of females I like - my mum, my sisters, my stepmother, the females I chose to be friends with. I'm sure any girls reading this feel the same way; so why on earth do we all 'hate' other females so much?

Is it because we are bitchy? Yes. I realise this is a huge generalisation, and I'd love for someone to come and contradict me here, but think about you and your female friends. What do you talk about? Because more and more, I'm realising, I can't hold a conversation with a lot of people without bitching about someone. It disgusts me to admit this, but I do bitch, my friends bitch, and the majority of females I meet bitch. In fact, any unwillingness to bitch can be seen as strange. Why do so many of us bitch? I'm sure I'm speaking for more of us when I say it hurts to find out someone has been bitching about us; so why would we risk making anyone else feel like that? It's selfish, it's horrible and it doesn't make us very attractive people. Sadly, bitching has become such normalised behaviour, it's so expected of women, that no one bothers to question its validity. It's seen as natural, so no one tries to change it.

Surely all this bitchiness must stem from something? Is it because this girl stole your boyfriend? Is it because this girl has the courage to have friends from a different friendship group? Because if someone's appearance doesn't meet your personal standards of perfect, it's ok to criticise that? Don't be ridiculous. Bitching comes from one thing, and one thing only: jealousy. When do girls really start bitching about each other? Yeah, it's roundabout the same time we all start getting interested in boys. It's when boys and girls really start becoming separate genders; when boys are encouraged to do 'normal' boy things and girls suddenly start paying attention to things like appearance. When this happens; we start getting jealous. We're jealous because one girl gets the boy we like. We're jealous because someone has much nicer hair than us. We're jealous because this other girl, she's got so many pretty clothes. We even get jealous about stupid things, like girls who are skinnier than us. I get jealous of girls bigger than me because at least they're guaranteed to find clothes that fit them adult shops, whereas there's always a 'maybe not' in the back of my mind!

As I'm writing this, how stupid, how insane all this is becomes even clearer. We don't form real, valuable, close friendships; we're all miserable (come on, how happy can you really be if the majority of your conversation is centred on bitching about other people?) because we're simply jealous. Come on, it's ridiculous, and it needs to stop. As I've said earlier, I'm not perfect, and I know it's slightly hypocritical of me to even think of writing a post condemning all this girl hate when I'm so much a part of it myself. But do you know what, I've had enough. For a month or two recently I've been halfheartedly trying to make my interactions more positive, not join in with any bitching and stopped making 'sly' comments on social networking sites. From today though, I'm making this a conscious effort. Not only am I going to stop bitching about other people, I'm going to call out others who do. I am absolutely not going to make any passive aggressive comments at anyone. I'm done with dirty looks. This is a gift to myself, I want rid of this negativity from my life. It's an added bonus if others follow suit.

Until people accept that it is isn't natural for girls to bitch about each other, until people can see what a toxic, soul destroying habit it is, things aren't going to change. I welcome people who want this to change and do something to change it. I can't remember who said it, but it has been said that you have to be the change you want to see in the world. Maybe take this saying into consideration when you think about how horrible it feels when people are bitching about you.