The Vixen Thinks: Give Yourself a Break

The Vixen Thinks is an almost weekly feature on this blog. Posts vary in topic, I'll talk about anything I have an opinion on! From blogging to relationships and anything beyond. If there's anything you'd like me to write about, feel free to get in touch: theglittervixen(at)gmail(dot)com! Thank you!

When I think about, I'm pretty sure I've written about giving myself a break before. It would seem I still haven't learnt. Today I've had a day off work and it's finally hit me just how burnt out and exhausted I truly am. I only get out of bed properly on days where I have work these days. Even for things I look forward to, like visiting my dad, I can barely get myself out of bed in time anymore and that resulted in me going for a pub lunch with wet hair last weekend. Now to a lot of people, this probably seems so silly: I only work part time. But that's exactly why this is bothering me so much, a girl shouldn't feel as tired and exhausted as I am when she doesn't even work full time. In uni, I worked, I worked hard for uni, I had a social life, a boyfriend and still managed to cook myself proper meals and have "me" time. Now, all I really do is go to work, yet here I am, 20 past 9 on a Friday night and I wanna go to sleep even though I didn't get up until about 1. 

The trouble is, I put way too much pressure on myself. I think the reason uni life worked for me is because I had so much responsibility. My biggest strength is the ability to organise myself in the best way possible for maximum productivity, so when I had things like a job, an education, a social life, a love life and a real life (you know, cooking, cleaning etc) to balance: I was in my element. I could write To Do Lists every day and get immense satisfaction from completing them. I really got to exercise my organisational muscle and in that kind of environment, I absolutely thrive. Even while I was doing my A Levels, I worked very hard to balance my life although during A Levels, I would often be woken up by my then boyfriend sitting on my bed saying he'd come to see me and I'd be lying in bed with York Notes or my Psychology textbooks on my face. In uni though, I honestly think a little bit of me was superhuman because I managed to get things done - I had to get things done.

Now I'm home, the only real responsibility I have is to go to work. My lovely, structured life that was based on To Do Lists has fallen away from me. What on earth am I meant to do with my time? Do you know what I've finally realised I've been doing? I've been making up responsibilities and "must do" tasks for myself. My daily To Do Lists are actually insanely big. I include mundane things like making sure I'm awake by a certain time, breakfast and my daily workout in them even though these are things I do without fail every day and are so ingrained into my routine I do not need a list to remind me to do them. But besides these routine tasks, I add blogging as a "must do" thing. I add reading and commenting on blogs as a necessity. My little hobby of making custom clothes suddenly turned into a business plan that I have to stick to and if I don't, I'm an absolute failure. Basically, things that are meant to be fun and relaxing for me, have suddenly turned into tasks that I automatically don't want to do anymore because I'm viewing them as essential but ultimately feel so miserable and guilty when I don't get them done. For example, I said I'd open my shop in January. We're now halfway through May and yet there is no sign of my shop and while my stock is nearly finished, it isn't actually finished and I've been procrastinating like crazy with it because I don't view it as something fun anymore, it's something I have to do. 

As you can see, I really need to just lighten up a little a lot. And as I write this post out to myself, I realise it's probably relevant for a whole lot of you right now? How many of my readers have graduated when I did but aren't working a "real" job yet? How many of my readers are in their final year of uni right now stressing about their last exams? How many of you have GCSEs or A Levels or just exams in general right now? I'm guessing a lot of you do and if you don't have any worries like that, more than likely you'll be stressing about something else! My guess is that just like me, you're a little too hard on yourself sometimes...

So my message to myself and my readers today is: stop taking life so seriously. You do not need to be an absolute productivity machine. It isn't the end of the world if your grades aren't perfect. Hell, it's not the end of the world if your grades are "bad" - I promise you on that one because my degree is completely irrelevant to my job yet I love it. While it's good to work hard the majority of the time, it's also good to spend a whole day in bed watching The Voice if that's how you feel. If you're in your final year of uni - use your time wisely and have fun, don't make it just about that grossly expensive and over priced piece of paper. As someone whose opinion I value very much keeps saying to me: "just relax."