The truth is, I've known for years that optimism and positivity are things you can learn, they're not things some people are born with and some people are just doomed to live without. I was in my first year of university, nearly four years ago now, when Gala Darling first started talking about "radical self love" and that just opened a gateway for me. I learnt about the idea of manifesting, the law of attraction, life design. For the first time ever in my life, aged 18 years old, I was starting to realise that I had everything I needed to create the life I dreamed of. Of course, it didn't stick straight away. I've suffered from depression for years and in November last year, it started getting worse than it ever had before and by January, I was at the lowest I have ever, ever been. Depression is a horrible thing and for a while, it was able to get in the way of everything I knew about positive living and completely clouded my better judgement. Finally, that fog started to lift though and now more than ever, I making the effort to live my life in a positive way and the more effort I make, the better my life is getting. In March I started making a concentrated effort to focus on getting better, and the more I did that, the more I saw the things I wanted practically materialising in front of me.
Perhaps the biggest realisation for me was that the only person that stands between you and the kind of life you want is yourself. You decide whether to be happy or sad, so why wouldn't you choose happiness?! The day I finally accepted that my happiness was under my control was the day everything started getting better for me. After a particularly rough January and February, I decided to do something that had never failed to make me happy as a teenager, and that was go to a meet and greet gig by Wednesday 13. That night, I remembered everything I loved. Wednesday himself. The music. Going to gigs. Travelling. Making friends in the queue. Gothic makeup. That night I decided that it was time for Emily to come back and get rid of that horrible shell of a girl who replaced me for a while. I'd been unhappy at work so I moved stores. I worked hard and got myself promoted. I started a loving, healthy, happy relationship with a man I love very much. My blog really took off. I improved my relationship with a lot of family members. Basically, the things I'd spent so long dreaming about were suddenly becoming reality instead.
At first, I thought it was just luck but by the time I'd signed off from CBT sessions, I'd realised all the work had been mine. Just that one decision to do something good for myself had snowballed. Deciding to go see Wednesday 13 felt good. I wanted that feeling to continue, so I started making decisions that were good for me. I decided to stop being scared of failure and to stop "failure" hurting so much, I started looking for the positives in every situation. Believe me: there is always a silver lining, ALWAYS. Example: I didn't make team leader at work. It's ok - I'd have more time for my hobbies and life outside of work and I was still working in a store with a team I love selling products I love. But of course, I wanted to be team leader, so I worked hard, and here I am, a team leader. Another example: I wanted a well known blog that got me invited to events and meetups. Yeah, this has happened but if it hadn't, my blog is still something I very much enjoy doing and I am proud of it. At first, yes, it is difficult to find the positives because we have negativity drilled into us from the very beginning. With a bit of training though, finding the bright side of a situation becomes natural, second nature.
It all seems so obvious to me now: if you believe you have a good life, you will have a good life! At the minute, everything is changing for me. I've started an exciting business opportunity as well as deciding to work my way up the ranks at work. I have plans to move away from Wakefield at last. I'm getting much more active and slowly my eating is improving. This isn't happening because I'm blessed or charmed. This is happening because I want it to happen, so I believe it can happen and I am working hard to make this happen.
It's honestly all about your mindset, I have chosen to live my life positively and so should you!