When Your Life Gets Turned Upside Down

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Hello? Anyone left out there? Oh! Hi! I'm Emily, if you'd forgotten. It wouldn't surprise me. I don't think I've ever left my poor blog alone for this long. The worst thing is, it hasn't exactly been by choice. Normally I take blog breaks because I've chosen to - I'm too busy enjoying real life, or I'm feeling a bit uninspired so I take a tactical step back. But this time, I didn't exactly choose it, and boy, have I missed it.

So what exactly happened? The short story is I took my world, I tipped it upside down, and gave it a good shaking.

While I was definitely in need of a drastic change or two, I was really unprepared for the flood gates I would open by making the decision to commit to my boyfriend and move in with him. For those of you haven't read any of my previous posts, moving in with my boyfriend would end the long distance part of our relationship, but also required me moving 200 miles down the country away from my family and friends. OK, big enough move without adding anything else to the mix. But of course, I didn't leave it there: instead of transferring to a different Superdrug store and continuing my retail management career, I went off on a complete tangent and tried my hand at my dream career of a journalist. OK, huuuuuuuge changes for me there but hey, it didn't stop there either.

You see, the house we bought is over 100 years old. 

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I moved from Yorkshire to the South of England under the impression that after getting our keys, we'd need to spend about a fortnight repainting walls and replacing carpets. Sweet, naive Emily. Because I was under this impression, on Sunday 19th January 2014, a night before I started my brand new job, I hopped on a train to Newbury with two weeks at most worth of clothing and essentials. "It'll be fine," I kept telling myself, "just like a holiday, we'll decorate the house and then I can nip back up to Wakefield one weekend and retrieve the rest of my belongings." In the meantime, I'd be living with my boyfriend's mum and his stepdad.

It was the 7th of February we got our keys and we've only just started living in our house. The few licks of paint and new carpets turned into a seemingly never-ending list of work to do. I won't go into detail, but words like "dry rot" and "more plastering" and "gas safety" have becomes very commonplace in my life. Although we're living there now, it's still far from finished.

In short, we have completly gutted the house and it will literally be like brand new when it's done. We stripped all the walls and most needed replastering. We are replacing all the carpets and even had to replace some floorboard joists in the dining room (that's the dry rot for you). We've got a brand new boiler fitted and a brand new fireplace on its way. We have a new bedroom ceiling. We're repainting everything - the walls, skirting boards.All interior doors are being replaced along with most radiators. The only rooms we aren't touching are the upstairs toilet, bathroom and kitchen - although I'm actually saving up to redo the upstairs toilet but shhh, don't tell James! The kitchen walls and floor too will need to be redone, but probably not this year!

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As it turns out, juggling living with your partner for the first time, a new job as a journalist, and unexpectedly becoming a house renovator, all the while being acutely aware that your beloved possessions are far, far away from you is pretty damn difficult. I challenge any of you to do this and stick to a decent blogging schedule. And the best part is: this is just the stuff I'm comfortable sharing on the Internet. There's a lot going on behind the scenes in my life that has been preventing me from blogging, among other things that are important to me.

Truth be told, I'm exhausted. I am afraid. I've been having  full on, sobbing, weeping, crying sessions nearly daily. I find myself wishing I'd never bothered coming here. Obviously saying that out loud puts strains on my relationship, and I could go on forever with this little "oh woe is me" tale.

Except I won't, because I've had enough. I didn't spend the past year of my life battling depression and anxiety, taking antidepressants and attending cognitive behavioural therapy sessions to end up right back where I started, oh no! I've learnt a lot in my journey to recovery and it's time to actually put what I learnt into practice. I'm strong enough to power through this. Deep down, I know how fantastic my life is right now. I'm going to have a beautiful house at the end of this, a strong relationship with the love of my life, I'm working my dream job and I've got so many lovely things to look forward to. It's with these thoughts in mind that I stop pretending to be helpless and start taking control of my life again. Starting with resurrecting this blog...