As I battle through what has probably been the most devastating breakup of my life, it has become evidently clear that the reason I am taking it so hard is not because I've lost a "great person," but because I had centred my whole life around him and become wholly dependent on him.
It got me thinking about one of my favourite personal development books, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. In one particular chapter in this book, she explains the importance of having multiple important areas in your life.
Although it has been a while since I read the book, that particular part of it really stands out for me now. Jeffers' argument is that if you have lots of important "compartments" in your life, if you lose one, you've still got plenty to fill the gap. For example, if in your life you place importance on your romantic relationship, family, friends, your job, a particular hobby but your significant other walks out of your life - you've still got family, friends, your job and your hobby to keep you going.
In my personal experience, this is absolutely right. When I made the decision to move down south, I gave up my family, my friends, a job I enjoyed, even my hobby of blogging was sacrificed. I did it all because I thought this one person was worth it. Guess what, they weren't.
Even when I moved down here - I only have my job because my ex got me it. When I started doing roller derby, I could only afford that because he gave me lifts and I paid him barely any rent. Now he's gone, I feel so lost because my family are far away, my friends are far away, I can't do roller derby anymore and I even struggled to blog for a while.
My message to you is this: don't place all your eggs in one basket. If you're in wonderful relationship, that's fantastic, but make sure that's not all your life is about. Throw yourself into your job or find a new one if you must. Make the effort with your family. Join clubs and make new friends, keep up with the ones you've already got. Pursue your hobbies with love and vigour. Make sure you've got things to fill that gap should you lose something.
If I'd taken a little time to invest in myself - perhaps finding my own job, learning to drive, being a little more savvy with my money - just maybe, maybe I'd be doing even better right now than I already am doing. Sure, a big hole has appeared in my life but I'm doing what I can to fill it.