The Vixen Thinks is an almost weekly feature on this blog. Posts vary in topic, I'll talk about anything I have an opinion on! From blogging to relationships to feminism and anything beyond. If there's anything you'd like me to write about, feel free to get in touch: theglittervixen(at)gmail(dot)com! Thank you!

Today's post originally appeared on my old, now defunct blog. As I have a very busy week this week, I didn't have time to sit down and write the Vixen Thinks post I really wanted to write this week as it required time, research and thought to get words out properly. In a moment of nostalgia I decided to visit my old blog and I came across this post from what was my Vixen Thinks type series on there. I had completely forgotten I had written this and yet it still feels so very relevant. I really wanted to bring this piece of writing back into the world again

No, this isn't your standard how to have a relationship guide. I'm not going to sit here telling you about the importance of communication, I'm not going to tell you to be open and honest with each other, I won't tell you that explosive sex saves everything and tell you how to have said explosive sex. Oh no. This blog post is quite different. To me, there is one simple tip, just one little bit of advice that will allow you to have a successful relationship. While other things definitely contribute to the success or downfall of a relationship, without taking my advice, I can assure you, your relationship is doomed; even if it continues, you won't be as happy as you should be in it. So, what is my fantastic tip?

Sort your own shit out first! 

Learn to love yourself. Make peace with what has happened in your past. Be comfortable in your own company. Understand and accept that the only person who has the power to make you happy or sad is you. If you have a bad temper, you're a commitment-phobe or have any other relationship damaging personality traits, learn to control them. You are a whole person. You do not need anyone else to complete you. This seems so obvious to me now, but it's amazing how many people don't realise that they themselves are the answer, not having a partner.

When we do not love ourselves, we look to other people for love. We expect other people to make us happy. This can easily cause problems in a relationship. It can cause dependency or clingy behaviour and eventually, you will end up annoying your partner. We will start to feel let down by our partner when we don't feel they love us enough and resentment begins to breed. Soon, we don't want our partners to do anything with anyone else. We become paranoid and jealous. The arguments starts, and the relationship inevitably ends and because you haven't learnt to love yourself, the end of a relationship feels like the end of the world.

You see, when you love yourself unconditionally, when you're comfortable in your own skin, you suddenly realise that you don't need the love of another to complete you. Being single does not feel like a bad thing anymore and when you do end up in a relationship, you will not become dependent on them because you've learnt you can wholly depend on yourself. Loving yourself also means you are likely to be less jealous and more accepting that you can't be with your partner 24/7 and I promise you, this enhances a relationship so much.

Ultimately, relationships fail because we place too much importance on them. We call our partners our other halves and when one relationship ends, we are expected to seek another. Success is often defined by whether we get married or not. When you realise that you are a whole person in your own right and accept your ability to function alone, your relationships will be much happier and healthier.