2014 was supposed to be the year everything changed for me. In January, I started a new job as a journalist, a world away from my original plan of pursuing a retail management career with Superdrug. I upped and left my childhood home in Wakefield for good, opting to move nearly 200 miles away. I was meant to take my first "grown-up" relationship to the next level and move in with my boyfriend. I was so excited to make these changes and become the Emily I always knew I could be. And yet, I still feel as much of a failure as I did the day I packed my life into boxes in Aberystwyth and got into the car back to Wakefield without a clue in the world who I wanted to be.

While I did start my job and continue to remain in that job, since January, I've lived in Wakefield, Newbury, Swindon and now I seem to have settled in a tiny town in Hampshire. My relationship has ended. My Arbonne business has pretty much died out. My posting on this blog has been sporadic at best. I don't eat healthily and despite the walking and roller derby, my lifestyle is nowhere as active as I want it to be. I laugh at the thought of having a social life. I've started shopping obsessively again to fill all the painful gaps in my life. As a result of that, financial stability sounds like a joke too.

While my life does look pretty different on the outside, I'm still the same on the inside.

In my last blog post before I went quiet again, I wrote about all the excuses I make in an attempt to justify my laziness and refusal to change the things that need changing. I'm sure it hardly comes as a surprise that I still make these excuses multiple times a day.

For this reason, I'm making the month of November "NO EXCUSES NOVEMBER." During the next month and beyond, I'm going to start being tough on myself in a way I have needed for a very long time. On Tumblr particularly, I see many harmful behaviours hiding in the disguise of "self care" and I've been using that to justify my days spent in bed, gorging on camembert cheese or Domino's pizza and washing it down with Coke, cider and wine. Sometimes, what self care REALLY is, is giving yourself a good slap around the face and telling you to pull yourself together and DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. 

There's just two months of 2014 left now, but I know that by taking all my excuses, putting them in a chest, locking it up and tossing it into the sea, there's still plenty of time for the Emily Jane Garthwaite I truly am to come and show her face.

I am happy, I am strong, I am healthy, I am fit, I am capable of managing my money in a mature way, I am a National Vice President with Arbonne in the making, I am a young woman who adores blogging, who wants to post every day and CAN post every day, I do not need to hide behind my past, my mental health, the mistakes I have made.

I realise that this post sounds ever so familiar to several posts I have made this year.

I have also realised that the highest points in my life have been times where I've been reading personal development books on a daily basis, eating fresh fruit and vegetables on a daily basis, pouring my heart and soul into my blog and making sure I am in Arbonne activity on a daily basis.

After my previous similar blog posts, I haven't changed anything. As I write this, I have already started altering my diet, reading books to better myself and focusing my attention on activities that truly light me up.

For this reason, I know that November really will be the month I rid myself of excuses.