When You No Longer Know What "The Right Way Up" Looks Like

Image via Micky Zlimen on Flickr. Some rights reserved. 
Back in March, I blogged about turning my world upside down. In January, I had quit my Superdrug job, moved 200 miles down south, started a new job as a journalist and moved into a house that required some serious renovation with my boyfriend. I was lost, I was stressed and seriously lacking in stability. I truly thought my life was just about as upside down as it could possibly get. Oh sweet naive Emily, when will you learn?

It's hard for me to type this and there's a massive part of me that wants to gloss over it and pretend it never happened. However, I know that if I want to continue blogging, it is soon going to become very obvious what has happened and I know questions will be asked. So let's get it out shall we? My boyfriend and I, it seems, were not meant to be. We broke up and with the mortgage being in his name and everything, it was up to me to move out.

I've since started renting my own flat a little closer to work and have been getting to grips with being single for the first time in my adult life and living all by myself in a rural area where I am yet to know anyone.

Image via Nicki Mannix on Flickr. Some rights reserved. 
I've struggled so much these past couple of months. I've wanted to blog so very, very much, but I've been in such a bad place emotionally that I became very adverse to sharing my life, bad or good, on the Internet for a while.

For a while, I felt like I might have to stop blogging entirely. Next, I decided I'd continue blogging but completely remove any personal element from it. After I realised that would make YouTube difficult and well, spoil what blogs are meant to be about, I decided it was time to rethink - so yes, MORE time away from this blog. 

Eventually, it hit me. I'm not the only person on this planet to go through a difficult time. Hell, I doubt I'm not the only person on this planet who has uprooted their entire life for a relationship that just didn't work out. And, even more important, I bet there's people out there who are struggling with themselves right now and just don't know how to handle it.

Image via Koshy on Flickr. Some rights reserved.
Perhaps the thing that has scared me the most about this situation is just how alright I am. Admittedly for the first few weeks I was very emotional - but one day, I woke up and realised I hadn't had the full on mental breakdown I was expecting. It looks like somewhere along the line, the cognitive behavioural therapy, the self-help books and blogs and huge efforts to love myself have finally sunk in.

Yes, I still have my moments. Yes, I still feel very conflicted about what I want from life. Yes, I still find myself crying for no particular reason at times. But the point is, my life is continuing. I'm dealing with this in a better way than I ever could have imagined myself doing. I think I need to share this with the world.

I've been meaning to move away from beauty blogging for a while now. Not completely, but I certainly want to move in different directions on this blog. With recent events and realisations in mind, I feel like I could use my experiences to create content and help other lovely people whose lives suck right now. Even if I just help one person realise they're not alone, I can rest knowing something good has come from this.

Image via T. Kiya on Flickr. Some rights reserved.
When I started feeling like I could use my bad times to help other people navigate theirs, I didn't feel so shy towards blogging anymore, I was ready to start again.

And now, time for my first tip...

One of the most important tools in the fight against self-loathing is Gratitude, so here's a list of full-on amazing things that have happened to me since my last blog post:
  • I went to see Courtney Love
  • I had a brilliant sleepover in London where I saw the sites, ate delicious food, window-shopped and went to the Aquarium (SHARKS!!!)
  • I went to see Wiltshire Roller Derby, the team I train with, play in the Diamonds are Forever mini-tournament and they won! 
  • I went to see Wednesday 13 on my birthday and he sang happy birthday to me 
  • I did the Race for Life with my WRD buddies! I managed to lose them in the crowd, so finished the race by myself, but I felt very accomplished and only came in five minutes behind them!
  • I had a lovely picnic with WRD
  • I went for another weekend in London, with my stepmum this time, we had food, drinks, a shopping trip and visited the amazing Laduree! 
  • As always, my amazing family have all pulled together to remind me that there are people on this earth who do love and care about me unconditionally 
If you got this far, thank you for reading xoxo