Hello everyone! I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy New Year! I spent last night with one of my favourite people in one of our favourite restaurants and we started the year exactly how we mean to go on. I hope you had wonderful evenings too!
Today's post is going to be a personal one because quite frankly, I need some closure before I can launch into the exciting blogging schedule I have planned for 2015. 2014 was one of the worst years of my life to date. It has been trying, it has been challenging, it has been difficult and quite often, I think it is a miracle I managed to survive it, although I'm not quite sure surviving is the right word.
I'd love to say that the hardships of 2014 have taught me great lessons, left me more equipped to deal with the future and determined to face 2015, but that really isn't the truth.
2014 has left me an empty shell of the girl I used to be, the girl I could have been. If you asked me to sum myself up now I would simply use the word broken.
I don't feel like the past 365 days have made me a better person, I just feel defeated. My hopes, my dreams, my motivation, it's all gone. I used to be frustrated that various things were standing in my way and preventing me from achieving my goals, but now, I barely even care.
2014 has left me apathetic.
In are rare moment of clarity, where I realised I have to put 2014 behind me and move on, I managed to tentatively plan out 2015. I wrote down where I felt 2014 had gone wrong, why I didn't achieve the things I wanted to. I wrote a list of things that are truly important to me. I laid out my goals and the steps required to get here. This is the model I used if you are interested.
Somewhere inside of me the desire to be great remains. Somewhere inside me, I do want to rise from the ashes of 2014 and make 2015 a much better year for myself. There's a part of me that feels like I can achieve every single goal I've got written down.
For now though, I just want to put 2014 behind me and ease into 2015 as gently as I can. I'm not going to launch head first into my New Year's Resolutions or force myself to change instantaneously.
Instead, I'm just going to go with the flow. Throw out a few blog posts, wean myself off caffeine and junk food, slowly up my activity levels each day. January will be a month of recovery and perhaps by February, I'll be ready to start again and try and make 2015 the year I wished 2013 and 2014 would have been.
Thank you for reading.