Operation Supervixen is my own personal transformation programme. In June 2015, I decided I was utterly fed up of being miserable, unwell and feeling like I wasn't reaching my full potential in life. To combat this, I decided I was going to radically transform my diet, maintain an exercise routine and centre my leisure activities around personal development. To keep me accountable and help others in the process, I started Operation Supervixen.
Weight loss. It's a tricky topic. On the one hand, so many people are interested in it, on the other, no one wants to promote unrealistic body standards and an unhealthy dislike of one's size and shape. There's always a concern that if you talk about losing weight yourself, you'll offend people who are bigger than you, or people will think you're just fishing for compliments.
For most of my life, my weight was never something that has bothered me. I've always been a very slim person, and a few times, I've also been more than a little underweight. When underweight, I'd be aware of it and know I had to make a change, but it never affected my body confidence. In fact, until recently, my body was the one thing I could say I never, ever hated about myself. My negative self talk has always been about the type of person I am, the way I conduct myself, or if it did involve my appearance, it's usually my hair or skin that gets the brunt of it. Never my body or weight.
However, in January 2014, two things changed. The first was I got a job behind a desk and my activity levels absolutely plummeted. The second was I completely lost control of my diet. While I lived with my boyfriend's parents, I was always served massive portions I felt guilty for not eating and when I moved out of there, for the first time ever in my life, I started comfort eating instead of starving myself when depression took its hold.
Since January 2013, I have put on four stone. The first two I put on, between the beginning of 2013 and the beginning of 2014, I welcomed. I was no longer very underweight and doctors had stopped making concerned noises every time I was told to hop on the scales. I felt good and I looked good. I knew it and other people knew it. Putting this two stone on was a sign of recovery, a sign I was healthy again.
The next two stone, which I put on last year, well that's when problems started to show. At first, I didn't mind. I was suddenly very curvy and well, I liked the big boobs that had appeared out of nowhere after being pretty damn flat chested. But then, my clothes stopped fitting. Not just the items I had from pre-2013, but clothes I'd bought recently. In August, I bought about six new dresses. I had to send them all back because they were too small. I bought bigger sizes. They fit. About a month later, they stopped fitting. That's when I started to hate my new body.
But it got worse. Buying new clothes wasn't an option because of my really horrific financial situation. (I was exceptionally lucky that my boyfriend bought me all my new underwear to fit my new boobs and bum.) However, alongside the frustration that I couldn't squeeze myself into my favourite clothes anymore, I noticed I felt a lot heavier. My knees would groan and creak whenever I stood up. Walking to work got a lot harder. Everything exhausted me. I was tired all the time.
Finally, it became apparent that because I had put such a significant amount of weight on in such a small amount of time, it was to blame for a lot of my exhaustion and constantly aching legs. While in real terms I would not classify myself as fat, the truth is my BMI is straddling the line between healthy and overweight and looks and statistics aside: I KNOW I FEEL TERRIBLE.
And so, for the first time in my life, I am actively and genuinely trying to lose weight. While I've been interested in healthy living for some time now, weight loss is now something I am aiming for, even though it will hopefully be a side affect of ditching the less healthy foods in my life. I've said for so long now that my health is the crux of whether I feel successful in life, that my poor health that stops me from hitting my goals, and right now, a lot of my health seems to depend on shifting some of the weight I have put on since 2013.
Naturally, I will be documenting my weight loss efforts as part of the Operation Supervixen series on this blog. I'm very conscious that I don't want to "diet" or take part in "fads" but I am planning on doing a Juice Cleanse, a follow-on programme after that and the Arbonne 30 Days to Healthy Living and Beyond programme to set me up for lifelong healthy living. I will be reviewing these as I go along and sharing my results.