Dissatisfaction.

Original image via Pixabay
If you asked me to sum up my life in one word at the moment it would be dissatisfying. Once again, the season is changing, it is getting colder, it is dark when I wake up, there is less sunshine and with all this, my mood drops and drops and drops.

For around the past six weeks or so, everything has felt like a struggle for me. Getting out of bed, keeping up with basic hygiene, going about my daily tasks and even enjoyable things like creativity, blogging and reading. Even TV can barely hold my attention, although my Netflix subscription becomes my best friend in times like these when my energy levels slump.

Naturally, this lack of ability to do anything leaves me feeling very dissatisfied. At the moment I hate the way I look, I hate the way I dress, I hate how much I weigh, I hate my diet, I hate my (lack of) exercise routine, I hate the books I read, I hate(d) my blog. I hate a lot of others things that sadly, I can't vent about without it having dire consequences.

It's tough when you feel like this because you've got two options. You can give into the slump and watch your mood get lower and lower, or you can take action to change it. Quite obviously, the best option is to take some action, but even that is an uphill battle because, err, how are you meant to do anything when you completely and utterly lack energy and motivation?

At the weekend, I sat down and I wrote a list (an unfortunately, very long, A4 list in which words covered the entire page) of everything I hate about my life right now. Then, I wrote a list of things I could actually change. Then, I wrote a list of things I really want in life. Thankfully, there were some things I could change. Nothing that will have the immediate gratification I crave, but enough that I could finally see some baby steps to take and start improving my satisfaction with life again.

Naturally, one area I knew I could improve was my blog - it wasn't just the content I was creating that was driving me a bit mad, it was also my blog design. As I hope you can see, I've redesigned my blog and I am now much happier every time I take a little peek at my blog. As it's October, I added a teeny tiny Halloween-related twist to my header and I really, really love it.

Revamping my content is something I've been saying I will do since the beginning of the year. I want to improve and become a lot more consistent with posting but given how up and down my mood and motivation levels are at this time of year, I am not going to make the mistake of promising that this post marks the start of a new beginning as I have done way too many times in the past.

As for the rest of the improvements I am making, I intend to blog about those in my Operation Supervixen series. Annoyingly one of the biggest things I am in the process of sorting out is something I absolutely cannot talk about publicly (yet, anyway) but my new approach to healthy eating and how I drag myself out of my annual Autumn/Winter slump (hopefully) should make pretty interesting and useful content.

So am I back? Is this another new beginning for both me and my blog? Who knows? We'll see.